Friday, January 05, 2007

---

Let Bygones Be Bygones...

Wow. So many months I did not touch on blogging. Anyway to whom who still says you love me still. The title is for you. I do have my principles on relationship. It has been 1 year 6 months plus since we have last broken up. Even if there is a mere chance of being together, I will not want to. The feeling is different. Not only that, everything is very different. I do not understand why you say there is a will, there is a way. Relationship is not like a game that you can restart and play all over again and again. It is only a game whereby you will either lose the relationship or substain the relationship. So, when it is gone, no point asking for it back again. Your chance is gone. So, please do withdraw. You do not expect me to break up with my current boy-friend just to be with you right? That is impossible.

Perhaps, you will ask me this question because you know that I love him very deep the last time. If Oswald is the one asking me back right now, will I still be persistant in my stand. My answer is still yes, I will not go back to him. I hope you understand that there is no point going back to a relationship that is already dead. And I did said something to you that my current boy-friend definitely loves me more than you do because I am sure about that. I am not trying to be heartless to you. It is just that love matters need to be settled clear and decisive if not you will not only hurt yourself; you will hurt people around you.

These few days I realise that it is not easy to be with me. Yes, I care the least about looks because I believe that one day I will grow old with wrinkles too. Not easy in the sense of that I need security a lot. A lot to the extent of being very worried about my partner as well as being super possessive and clingy. That is not a good thing I know but I have been trying to not be so gaga over love. Still, I fail. I remembered that one of my myanmar friend told me that I will be worried about my partner now and then by reading my palm lines.

Luckily, the best part is that my dear never feel tired trying to give me security. It is difficult on his side I know but I really fare lousy when it comes to a long-distance relationship. I will get moody easily at times when he is in another side of the world though it is only few hours journey away from each other. I will not be that sensitive when he is here with me in Singapore. Damn. That is a bad thing. Dear's character suits me a lot right? Laughs. I cannot find a better one that can take my mood swings. Oswald cannot. I remember that when we were together for two months plus, he said that he had already given me all the security he could but still the past was still hovering over me.

I watched Green forest, My home during the holidays. So touching. I envy the girl a lot. She can wait for the vow without accepting any guys that are of good criteria. I cannot do that. I will not wait for something that holds no assurance even if I love that person so much. Perhaps, I am afraid of getting hurt in the end. So, just to protect myself, I have no choice but to close down that chapter like what I did to Oswald's case.

Afterall, I feel that what I am doing is right. He is never meant to be mine in the first place. I am happy with my life with my dear. So, yes. Let bygones be bygones. Hope that I will have a better year ahead with my family, friends and my dear of course. Hoping that I will have no enemies! Laughs. Without him, I can never have that kind of smile on my face. Get it dear? I love you! My hair is getting longer. Laughs. My maid once told me that the longer the hair is, the more lasting the relationship is. So, I sincerely prays that it will be true.

Blow the prayers...