Thursday, September 07, 2006

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Mature Love...

Thinking how we are started was like somehow linked to how Oswald and I ended. After Oswald and I broke up, he still maple like usual but for me, I do not even have the mood to play games at that moment. Nevertheless, I still try every chance to talk to him. Hence, I do so in "Maplestory" as well. I was pretty sad at how he treated our relationship as I still could not figure out why he still can concentrate playing his games just after we broke up. It did break my heart. Perhaps, our 3 months relationship did not mean anything to him after all.

He would never know how much I did just to understand him even a bit more to why he react that cold to me. Horoscopes somehow can help. Thus, read a lot on his cancer's horoscope. Try to be more understanding to what he need at that time. Still, it failed. He replied me heartlessly. What I thought he needed most was security. I did not give up hope yet. I went in "Maplestory" just to know if he was playing. Meanwhile, I was at the golem temple just to pass my time as well. Then there came my dear. He was hunting for golem stones to do for his quest. I had 50 of them so I gave all to him.

I started talking to him. I asked for his horoscope first. When he said he was a Cancerian, I continued talking to him being excited that he got the same horoscope as Oswald. Next, I found out that he was a Malaysian. So, I confide in him even more since we will never meet each other. This was what I was thinking at the back of my mind. So I asked him questions like if your ex do this and that, how would you feel that sorts of questions. That was how the idea of e-mail came in. I never had a single thought of him being my boy friend. Whatever I do was merely trying to get back Oswald's heart.

I e-mailed him on how I feel and make him realize that I still love him. However, few days later catching him online in "Maplestory" , I asked him if he had read it, he said he did not. He actually deleted it without reading. So heart wrecking. The last hope is when I asked him if we would have a chance to patch in the future in the bus, but he say it was over. That was when I totally gave him up. Before that, my dear did send me a "sms" saying he had a big crush on me since "Maplestory". The only reason why I took so long to accept him was due to Oswald.

Come to think of this, my dear has always been the sun of my rainy days. I cried every night after breaking with him. My dear consoled me throughout that few months being beside me. At times, I feel like breaking down and I flared onto him. He said he understood. I like his character. Look, I do not go for looks in the first place. Oswald was still holding him back. Till then on the first day of the lunar calendar, I accepted my dear. Perhaps, he was right. If a man who really loves me with all he has will never want me to bear all these sufferings on my own. He will rather share my burdens.

He came all over to Singapore to find me. From there we started to plan our future together...

The difference I found out between my dear and Oswald was that my dear and I were in a mature relationship but Oswald and I were in a romantic relationship. Yes, that is how I felt indeed. There is a lot more of what I did for Oswald but I feel that it is meaningless to me anymore. Closing that chapter. Thank him for that romantic moment. Cheers.

Romantic love lasts a moment but mature love lasts a lifetime.